Divorce and the HolidaysThe last time I sent a Christmas card was 2007, which was the last year my ex and I were together. Moving out in December of 2008, there was little thought of creating a Christmas card. Without his name or image on the card, I may as well have called it my divorce announcement rather than a Christmas card.

The first few years following the split, a Christmas card felt like printed proof we were broken. I didn’t feel like we were a family anymore; I was just a single mom with her kids. The deluge of cards delivered from families with happy notes and lots of love captured in the images just added to my feelings of familial inadequacy.

There were years when I made an attempt. I would photograph the kids, thinking this is the year I will order. And yet, it never happened. For some reason, no matter how much better I felt about our family status, I was stuck when it came to taking the step of sending Christmas wishes from our family.

If anyone had been with me two weeks ago when I opened the bright orange Shutterfly box, they would have laughed at me. Or thought I was crazy. Who cries, looking at their Christmas card? I did because no matter how good I felt in my single life, I just couldn’t order cards. It’s the piece that never fell into place.

Six years later and newly married, I am sending out my first card since 2007. Finally.

What has been difficult for you over the years during the holiday season?

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My Christmas Wish

December 1, 2014

in Life Lessons

christmas wishesVisiting the blog of one of my favorite writers this morning, I struggled to comment on her post. I could close the tab and exit without leaving a trace of my visit, but I wanted to share with the rest of the readers. And yet I was stumped.

The big, challenging question I struggled to respond to was this:

“What do you want to find under the tree this year?”

Anything. Nothing. I don’t know.

Not good answers, but I am at a loss this year.

Sean and I married seven months ago. We have wonderful friends, family, and kids. The two of us laugh often, and are healthy.

What is there really to ask for?

Nothing. That’s what I keep coming up with when Sean prods me for Christmas gift ideas, and when I am faced with answering the simple question on a blog.

What keeps coming to mind when I try to think of tangible gifts for under the tree, won’t actually fit in a box. What I want most is more time.

If I could gain time, I would read more, practice the guitar daily, spend extra time with my husband and kids, watch more baseball, cook great meals every night, increase my exercise schedule, and hopefully see my girlfriends more often.

What I realize about the lack of time in my life, is that this is a gift I can give myself. It might mean getting up earlier, delegating more to my team, or being creative with my time, but this is a gift I can achieve.

What is the one gift you are wishing for this year?

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life is to short toWe often hear of people hitting 50 and having a midlife crisis. The reality regarding midlife is that we likely hit that point in our 40′s based upon life expectancy. While that may seem depressing, it’s more a reminder for me to live my life fully. Since turning 40, I don’t believe I have experienced the cliche midlife crisis, but I have been more mindful of how I live my life; it’s too short to not focus on living a more fulfilled, happy life.

Life is too short to…

What about you?

Tell me what’s on your list!

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It’s Just Right

October 2, 2014
Sometimes people come into our lives who say they love us, and they genuinely mean it. And while we appreciate the sentiment, they love us in a way we don’t want to be loved or that doesn’t meet our needs. The realization–that we are loved in a way that isn’t really nourishing our soul–is sad. Both […]
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On Being a Grown-Up

September 29, 2014
I always get the thoughtful–sometimes challenging–questions from my kids while driving. Typically it’s when we have a long drive or a lot of traffic, which means I can’t escape the ones I am not quite prepared to answer. Asking me how babies come out of a mommy’s body while driving on the highway many years ago […]
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Finding Calm in the Crazy

September 12, 2014
My life has been crazy this year. I planned a wedding, got married, launched a new blogazine, and merged two houses into one a couple of weeks before the wedding. And that was all in the first five months of the year. I went on to have the four younger kids here for a month, […]
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